Every girl knows the type of girl. The one who insists that she’s “innocent.” Means nothing by all her enthusiasm… Read more Frieda the “Friend” Girl
“I Donated One Time—One Time!”
It was a mistake. Of course Raye could see that now. But the thing about making mistakes is that you… Read more “I Donated One Time—One Time!”
The Pimple Problem
There are few feelings as liberating as watching a particularly gnarly pimple at last die off. Calm down, reduce in… Read more The Pimple Problem
Greetings From Norway
I’m starting to think I would do well in prison. Or at least in the types of prisons they have… Read more Greetings From Norway
People for the Ethical Treatment of (Introverted) Animals
Perhaps all those many years ago, back when the whole Punxsutawney Phil tradition first began, no one could have predicted… Read more People for the Ethical Treatment of (Introverted) Animals
Speaking in a Foreign Language Cannot Mask Idiocy
When people are speaking in another language and laughing about something they seem to want everyone else around them to… Read more Speaking in a Foreign Language Cannot Mask Idiocy
At the Screenwriting Seminar
At the screenwriting seminar, me and this guy, Chris, are the only ones in the entire room who seem unable… Read more At the Screenwriting Seminar
Swallowed by the Pacific on Ocean Avenue
Lately, I’ve been having a recurring dream. It always involves water and the Big Blue Bus. More specifically, being submerged… Read more Swallowed by the Pacific on Ocean Avenue
“I’m A Slave 4…” Ironic Timing
As was usually the case while riding the train—whether long distances or short—Jessica had a tendency to end up listening… Read more “I’m A Slave 4…” Ironic Timing
The Premieres Are Canceled
A fire breaks out. At first, it seems normal, garden-variety. For L.A., anyway. Oh well, another fire, big deal. Life… Read more The Premieres Are Canceled
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