Usually, when a person is foolish (and naïve) enough to let a toxic ex back into their life, it relates to the sex being too good to totally let go. Which is why that toxic ex is typically always a man—because, as the old adage goes, “Good dick will imprison you.” In the case of a certain ex-president-turned-president-yet-again, the thought of anything sexual about him (least of all a specific orange appendage of his) is enough to induce immediate vomiting followed by a breakout into hives. Unless, of course, you happen to be the United States—in which case, this particular ex-president-turned-president-yet-again doesn’t repulse you at all. Though the U.S. will swear up and down that he does. But no, the truth is, he’s not that repugnant to the U.S. Not even in his role as a classic example of a toxic ex.

Except he’s not really a “classic” example, now is he? Because classic examples of the toxic ex will actually bother to go out of their way to tell someone that they’ve changed. That they’re never going to behave as horribly and vilely as they did in the past. That everything is going to be different this time around—if only you’ll just give him one more chance. And honestly, that’s the least a toxic ex can do: lie. Pretend that they might really try at “self-correction.” But why bother when you’re someone who’s literally come up against the Department of Corrections? If that won’t change you, surely nothing will. Since every politician is so quick to tout the wonders of the “justice system.”

In any event, that’s not at all what this ex-president-turned-president-yet-again did. He didn’t say, “Oh baby, just give me one more chance. I’m gonna treat you so nice this time.” No, no. In contrast, he came right out and said that not only was he going to act the same way as before, but he was also probably going to act even worse if/when elected. As it turns out, when elected. And he even proceeded to do some of those worse things already while on the campaign trail. That is, if you can count fellating a microphone and riding around in the passenger side of a garbage truck as “campaigning.” But to his hopelessly devoted ex, the U.S., this is, apparently, deemed “icon behavior” rather than patent signs of dementia or sociopathy or both.

Which brings us to the other now ex-president-who-will-never-be-president-again that initially tried to woo the U.S. as a gentler, kinder ex (even if performing many of the same toxic behaviors, albeit with far more tact). This approach got him the fuzzy end of the lollipop (but at least he didn’t pantomime fellating it). Because rather than being perceived as “wooing,” he ended up being told by the U.S. that he was showing too many signs of dementia. Though, honestly, no more than the ex-president-turned-president-yet-again. It was just a matter of how the dementia was presented, evidently. And the ex-president-turned-president-yet-again presents his with much more, let’s say, “confidence.” “Chutzpah.” (Related: he definitely got let back in as a toxic ex in part thanks to the Orthodox Jewish vote.) Like he really knows what he’s doing and saying when, in fact, he has no idea.

Another toxic ex, this one belonging to Mia Farrow, once said that eighty percent of success is showing up. But really, it appears as though exuding a comical amount of unwarranted confidence comprises that eighty percent. Well, maybe it would be comical if it weren’t so utterly depressing. As it is to watch the U.S. make the rookie mistake of letting a toxic ex back in, slowly but surely. The U.S. might be young, but not that young. Certainly old enough to know better.

Yes, the U.S. kept letting him back in and in and in, until, all at once, he was fully in. The victor, yet again, of the U.S.’ heart. Or at least its various genital orifices that clearly want to be fucked over and over again until there’s nothing recognizable left about them (the U.S. or its orifices). Until everything is so contorted by this known ass-fucker that the U.S. can hardly remember who it ever was. Except for the fact that this is exactly who the U.S. has always been. This ugly, this cheap. This willing to be used. To be bought, sold, plucked and fucked. The ex-president-turned-president-yet-again is the final apex of that reality.

Well, one can hope he’s the final apex. For he’s only ripped open the door for other toxic people to come right on through after him. Except, in the future, the U.S. might not even bother making those toxic people into exes at all. Skipping the part where it pretends to be scandalized and affronted by bad behavior (to use understatement) when, the truth is, it’s utterly titillated by it. Couldn’t imagine a way of existing without it. So why does it need to bother feigning otherwise now that it’s chosen, so willingly, to allow this noxious presence to reign once more over all facets of its life?

Naturally, the thing about giving all your power to a toxic ex again is that you quickly realize why you ran away and recoiled the first time. Except that, in an instance like this, trying to backpedal on your misguided desire could result in some very abusive behavior from the toxic ex in response. And that puts the U.S. in a very difficult and uncomfortable position indeed. A position from which it never knows what kind of scary behavior to expect next…or when. It’s like living with that alcoholic father whose mood could turn on a dime if he imbibes the wrong amount of liquor. Or, in this instance, if he hears so much as one unflattering word about himself.

But, of course, the U.S. won’t allow him to hear too much negativity (or not nearly as much as he should). They don’t want to “scare him off,” after all (especially since he’s far more susceptible to heart attacks at his age). Not that this toxic ex ever could be. You’d have to pry his cold, dead hands off the neck of the U.S. before he really let go. And one supposes that will have to be the final act of “the show” in order for this toxic relationship to ever truly end.