It was bad enough already, of course, that Madonna should choose to align herself with Dolce and Gabbana for her sixty-sixth birthday. After all, these are still the same men who said, “We oppose gay adoptions. The only family is the traditional one. No chemical offsprings and rented uterus. Life has a natural flow, there are things that should not be changed.”

Considering Madonna’s own family isn’t entirely “natural” (though perhaps she was spared from D&G’s full vitriol because she’s not a gay man [on the outside] and never used IVF [that anyone knows of]), one would think such a comment might be enough to make her distance herself from the prejudiced, Selena Gomez-hating duo for good, but clearly not. For Madonna decided that, out of all the places in the world where she might have her annual “destination birthday party,” the D&G villa—known as Villa Olivetta—in Portofino was the best place to do it.

Already tainted by the fact that Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker were married there, Madonna’s presence at the villa only further revealed what an apologist she can be when it comes to forgiving the misbehavior of fashion designers. Including John Galliano, eventually re-embraced by most celebrities once enough time lapsed after his notorious antisemitic rant in 2010. The same year, incidentally, that Madonna served as the face of D&G’s spring/summer ad campaign.

In it, she is positioned as a “traditional Italian matriarch”—in effect, the antithesis of everything Madonna has ever stood for. And yet, it wasn’t the first time that “Lady Madonna” dabbled in housewife aesthetics. Throughout the early years of her marriage to Guy Ritchie, Madonna cosplayed the “good little wife” role, posing for Good Housekeeping and even writing a series of children’s books—a far cry from her debut novel, Sex.

Even so, when the D&G campaign came out, it was still somehow “shocking” to people. People who said things like, “…a housewife performing mundane daily chores certainly represents a new identity for the world’s most famous chameleon.” But no, it wasn’t a new identity at all. Not only had she already tried on the guise in the early 00s, it could also, in fact, be argued that the casalinga italiana was always inside of her. This thanks to her mother (the housewife) and her father (the Italian). It was just waiting to be “activated” when the right occasion arose. Which it did a few times in the 00s.

With the arrival of the 10s, it seemed Dolce and Gabbana were content to remain in the mid-twentieth century with their “natural families only” rhetoric. The backlash against said rhetoric, in 2015, being so strong that even devoted-to-the-brand Madonna had to break rank with her beloved D&G to announce, in response to their highly publicized comments, “All babies have a soul however they come to this earth. There is nothing synthetic about a soul!! So how can we dismiss IVF and surrogacy. Every soul comes to teach us a lesson. God has his hand in everything even technology! We are arrogant to think Man does anything on his own. As above so below! Think before you speak!”

Elton John, Madonna’s on-again, off again (though mostly on-again) nemesis, was far less forgiving in his response to the controversial fashion design duo. Indeed, he announced, “Your archaic thinking is out of step with the times, just like your fashions. I shall never wear Dolce and Gabbana ever again.”

Days later, he was spotted toting a Dolce and Gabbana bag, though his “spokesperson” claimed it was just a bag he happened to be carrying—that it wasn’t as though he had gone on a fresh shopping spree at one of their stores. Regardless, one would think if he was that vehement about his contempt, he would have thought twice about his bag selection. But then, Elton has never been much for doing his own thinking, letting Bernie Taupin do most of it for him. Besides, everyone knows that declarative, “definitive” statements made by celebrities are doomed to fail—like Hugh Jackman saying he was hanging up his Wolverine claws for good. Obviously, that didn’t happen, therefore aligning Jackman and Madonna for the only time in pop culture history via Deadpool and Wolverine wielding “Like A Prayer” on its soundtrack in a big way. Now, Madonna and Jackman exist in the same cinematic universe.

Of course, that didn’t mean Hugh was going to be invited to her birthday party or nothin’. That kind of privilege would be exclusively reserved for more “OG clientele” in Madonna’s life (with a new boy toy also thrown in for good measure). The Guy Oseary and Debi Mazar ilk. And yeah, “Deb” already conveniently lived in Italy for easy access to Villa Olivetta (no doubt, Mazar would take a car from her home outside of Florence—though, as a New Yorker, she certainly wouldn’t drive herself). Among other guests at the party, the likes of Mazar would be bound to stand out in a town with a population that doesn’t even clear four hundred year-round. Accordingly, not only is it easy to spot the arrival of any celebrity and/or a member of their entourage, it’s also a cinch to clock when somebody tries to install an air conditioning unit (as rich and/or famous people are wont to do). Especially since such monstrosities are particularly noticeable against the vibrant pastel edifices of Portofino. In fact, it was banned altogether to have air conditioning units in Portofino until recently.

The local government, however, seemed to realize that the rich will not be denied their right to, well, whatever the fuck they want. And that definitely includes air conditioning. Oh sure, They claimed the rules were bent to accommodate increasingly hot summers in a world of climate change (in addition to AC [in this case meaning “alternating current”] units being required to power major appliances like refrigerators and washing machines). But the truth was much simpler and more cliché: money talks. Especially when you’re Dolce and Gabbana, but more especially when you’re Madonna. And while she might have despised air conditioning when it came to performing in venues filled with tens of thousands of people, she didn’t when it came to enjoying her summer vacation/birthday party to its fullest. So yes, she commanded of D&G that they outfit their villa with more than one air conditioning unit in time for her trip. After all, it was the least they could do for her, what with Madonna giving the couturiers their first big break by enlisting them to design all the costumes for The Girlie Show in 1993.

Madonna was even willing to allude to this “minor” detail if they pushed back on her request by citing fear of the mayor’s recent crackdowns on AC. For, in truth, he wasn’t wrong to insist that Portofino was too beautiful to have hideous AC units fucking up its otherwise colorfully pristine aesthetic. Concerns for human health be damned—this was about beauty! And maybe the environment…if and when that card needed to be played. The mayor was so serious about beauty, in fact, that he even decided to fine violators of the “code” forty-three thousand euros if they failed to comply with his demands for the removal of any offending AC unit. And yes, there were plenty of narcs in Portofino willing to report on “clandestine” ACs—whether “discreetly” hidden behind some exotic plant or painted in the same shade as the palazzo in question.

It was a petty neighbor who decided to rat Madonna and co. out before the party even started. Someone who insisted her music was an abomination. It goes without saying that the resulting fine was but a nominal fee for Madonna and the ensurance that her birthday celebration would be as luxurious and decadent as possible. An Italian queen has needs, alla fine.